Last Thoughts

When I first emailed Tony about joining this class, I knew I was in for something special. 

It might have been the first time meeting Tony that tipped me off, back in spring semester when my friend Reem was a student and invited me to come see their critiques and singing. Later on, Tony would refer back to this night as when he first caught a sense of my 'questioning aura' about the world-- which amazes me, because there's not a whole lot of people in the world who can meet a random person once and retrieve such an insightful and heartfelt understanding of her just like that.  

Well, that is Tony for you, and that is what convinced me immediately that I wanted--and even more, needed-- to take this class with him. Because I also immediately sensed the way his deep passion and care for this class and his students would spill over to leave an indelible impression on people forever. And that's what drove me here in the first place. I realized that being in a class with a teacher so authentic would teach me much, much more than just the course material alone. Needless to say, I don't think I'd ever been as ecstatic to enroll in a class as I had been when I got the OK for this one. 

Through a large chunk of this school year, I was struggling with taking care of my own mental and emotional health, picking up the broken pieces I had probably neglected from the year before. I wouldn’t call myself a moody person, but I did often feel my moods fluctuate in tandem over the year, and each Thursday night became a benchmark to my state of mind in that current week, and each week's theme of songs and project became unexpectedly intertwined with the particular sentiments and thoughts I was strongly experiencing at that time. When I look back on every project I've made, each one is like a visual diary entry to me, some pictorial transcription of the things running through my head while drawing this line, smudging that shadow, painting this background. In particular, my drawing from "You Are My Sunshine," is imbued with the most poignant and bittersweet emotions. I was feeling especially down that night, and I just had a heart to heart with my roommate about how sad I had been feeling for a while now. Then, listening to the song lyrics, it reminded me back to my time in high school where I sincerely believed that that would be the best time of my life. I was living within a tiny expat bubble in a country abroad, and everything felt safe and complete even though I knew much of it was temporary and built on false pretenses. Listening to this song reminded me of the longing I felt to go back to that time, back to the relationships I found so much solace in, the environment I felt protected by, but it also made me remember that it really was not as perfect as my memory paints it, so it’s time to stop relishing in the past and come back to reality now. That was also the first time I embarked on this "adventure" to make art that was "more open" to me. It's almost funny now to think about how seriously I took this challenge up, because it was literally a battle of me trying to let go of who I had worked myself up to be my whole life, and unravel that through folk songs and artwork. It was like my own form of art therapy, and it's no wonder I had a hard-- but very rewarding -- time with it. 

So I guess it's pretty typical of me to draw such dense meaning out a few simple verses. But it tends to happen more when I’m sad, and it’s weird for me to say it now, but I’m actually so glad I was going through these crises while taking this class, because I don’t know if I would have gotten as much out of it if I hadn’t been so sensitive and experienced the shit out of the emotions of these songs. I loved the weeks where I got to listen to gospel music and question myself about the power of religion, or when the work and spiritual songs got me to think about the existential “where do I come from” question, or learning about the lives of Doc Watson, Woody Guthrie, Leadbelly… incredible musicians who really lived through the extreme ups and downs of life and created music to celebrate and preserve the essence of it. I endlessly appreciate the way this class challenged me to think about the folk culture and artistic pillars that this country is built upon, and it definitely made me realize that being a first generation American really means that my cultural upbringing has been a hybrid of two different cultures without an in depth grasp of either one. 

 I want to thank Tony and each of my classmate and friends of Fall 2015’s Visual Studies class for creating such an open, understanding, and diverse but collaborative space where everyone was allowed to form their own questions and develop their own voice. I loved seeing how my some of my classmates really blossomed from their first timid projects to completely breathtaking ones at the end. I admire each and every person for being who they are and coming from where they come from and having that all show through their amazingly unique pieces of art/poetry. I especially want to thank Tony for the outpouring of love, spirit, and quirkiness he unfailingly brought into every week’s class. Here is the place you want to be when you want to explore the country you live in, the person you are, and the wacky little corners of Berkeley where you can find cool classes like this.

So there you go, my 5 star rating J

How Long, How Long Blues

This week's topic was on Country Blues, and it was full of really slow paced music that was also so soulful and mellow. However, what I have the deepest memory from this week was Tony's comments on my pieces. My main project this week was the one of the road, inspired by the song "How Long, How Long Blues." Listening to the song reminded me of the longing and anticipation I felt for school to be over and break, particularly Thanksgiving break, to begin. The main verse goes:

How long, baby how long

Has that evening train been gone?

How long, how how long, baby how long?

Went to the station, didn't see no train

Down in my heart, I have an aching pain

How long, how how long, baby how long?

There are definitely tones of heartache and craving in this, and I imagined it would feel look looking at a long, long road ahead feeling like there are so many obstacles and barriers to get what you want at the other end. The top piece I made while listening to the song, and as I was tearing the papers apart, I had a faint idea of what I wanted to final product to look like. So I just went along with ripping and painting and glueing and drawing until I felt it was about done. Then, when I brought these pieces and pinned them up in class, Tony gave his positive comments to the second painting-- the blue one of the "anthropomorphic skull." That was a funny turn of events, because this piece was just scratch paper from the making of the first painting, as I was using that sheet as a base layer to paint on. I had brought it to class that day because I thought why not, it looks kind of cool and it'll be a funny story about how it was made. I was really just playing around, aimlessly adding more paint and doing whatever came to mind. Then the end result was nothing like I had expected, because I had no expectations at all. And yet, it really struck me as both amusing and insightful that this is what Tony had meant about "opening up" all along. It just isn't the same thing when I am actively dictating myself to be more free- it's oxymoronic. Art just really has a different look and feeling when you just do it for the hell of it with no ulterior motive. I do still like the first one for the physicality and roughness of it, but still the stark contrast between these two pieces will always make me half smile and remember this happy accident.

This Land is Your Land

Now, whenever somebody asks me who I think is a real music legend and genius, I can quite confidently respond with "Woody Guthrie."

I'm really quite surprised how I haven't heard of this name before (actually, I probably have before, but just never registered who it was beyond the name). I was astounded to learn that this musician wrote over 1000 songs in his lifetime, and indeed he is considered a legend of American folk music that's contributed much more to American culture than I ever fully realized. But I was even more impressed when I learned about his extreme talent as a musician combined with his social consciousness. As someone who had lived through extreme adversities and so many major global events in his life, Guthrie really impressed the world by internalizing all of that and creating so many classic songs out of it. He is regarded as a "spokesman for the common man" because his songs and his life embody the values and experiences that are quintessentially human. Guthrie lived through harsh times and endured loss, poverty, misfortune, disease, but also imbued elements of hope, optimism, determination, and resilience through his songs. Of course, the classic song is "This Land is Your Land," a song that I've heard and grew up with since primary school. In this piece, I depict a single figure that is representative of people as a whole. I try to convey the feeling of holding your ground even with the impending fear and adversity that may be headed your way. It's a feeling I experience a lot, and I always hope to learn from the optimism and anti-fragility of people who have gone through so much but always emerge better out of it.

In The Pines

Who was Leadbelly?

That was the central question that we were told to consider this week, about it's a question that's almost unanswerable because of how little of Leadbelly we can know and see beyond the surface. Leadbelly on stage was an amazing performer, but without doing further research, nobody (or certainly I never did) would know he was also a prisoner and murderer. There are obviously multiple sides to the same man, and all of these identities juxtaposed besides each other really reminds me how Leadbelly has experience the full gamut of human experience. I know Leadbelly dealt with a lot of failure in his lifetime, but also overwhelming success with his music and performances that made him a musical legend. His proliferous musical talents were accompanied by a deadly temper that made him gain notoriety over fame. I feel like the real Leadbelly is nothing like the role he played in the "Newsreel" story, where although Leadbelly was playing himself, everything he said sounded so scripted and forced it was almost comical. The real authentic man, the legend and the murderer, is comprised of so many different dimensions that we will never get a deep understanding of him as a whole, but I wonder if he knew himself that well at all by the end of his life.

In The Pines was one of my favorite song of this week, because of its resounding, eerie, and foreboding sound. The song tells of extremely dark subject matter as well: a girl who has done something she shouldn't have, and is running away in a dark forest from the consequences. It seems like somebody is pursuing this girl, waiting in the forest to find and confront her (but I sense murderous intents). In my piece, I pictured the image of a girl escaping her chaser in the darkness of a pine tree forest, and the thought of being in the girl's shoes alone makes me feel a flitter of terror inside. The song honestly gives me some shivers, especially after hearing Nirvana's grunge cover of it with all the instruments and Kurt Cobain's voice adding many new layers of depth to it. I'm glad that the recent covers have introduced this song to the newer generation, because every new cover gives it a different and extremely interesting sound to a classic original.

Week 9: Songster II

Sitting On Top of the World

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtfHkqdSEDc

Doc Watson tells the beautiful story of him and his sister back when he was 17 and she was 7. He was climbing up the tree picking cherries, and his little sister wanted him to throw her some cherries. He said he couldn't, but he would swing the rope down and he would bring her up. It was 20 feet off the ground, and sitting in the tree, Doc Watson's little sister was real quiet for a few minutes, and then she said, "the sway of the tree, the wind and the leaves around my head, it's so wonderful. It's like being on top of the world." 

This story inspired my piece here, where I depicted a person sitting on the tallest branch on the top left, feeling free and powerful, with a view of the world from the very top. 

Fishing Blues

Here is a whimsical drawing I made while listening to the 'Fishing Blues' song, depicting a fish frying on the pan, or perhaps-- as Hannah noticed-- a fish that is swimming along the current and indistinguishable from the movement and flow of the stream. This song's easygoing tune and silly lyrics put me in a good mood to create a freehand drawing like this, starting out with just making fun lines without thinking of any final product, and then realizing that my lines were naturally taking the form of a fish! It was a very enjoyable song and an enjoyable drawing to make.

Week 8: Mississippi John Hurt

My first thought on this week's music is that Tony's singing and guitar finger-picking style of playing sounds so much like Mississippi John Hurt's! And indeed, when I later asked him about it, Tony said that he derived his whole style of playing from this musician.  This week's theme gave me such a happy jolly feeling from hearing the music of the songster tradition. It sounds so lighthearted and playful-- for example, "You Are My Sunshine" sounds so happy when the audience is singing along and the chords are syncopated and everyone sounds like a community singing as a chorus. I also really enjoyed Richland Woman Blues, Make Me a Pallet on the Floor, and Beulah Land (this actually sounds a bit like This Little Light of Mine).

This week's drawing I won't put up online, because I feel like it is still a work in progress. This was the week where I drew a bird flying into the air, inspired by "Since I've Laid This Burden Down." Tony thought it was an angel flying through the sky, and there were some mixed feelings about it tonight. So I won't put it up now, but later on I will work on it a little more, or maybe start something anew. Anyway, the message I was trying to send through the theme of the bird was in line with the feeling of letting go of a burden and feeling light enough to fly. Another song I'd like to comment on from this week is "Beulah Land." Tony told us the story of how when his brother passed, someone sang this song to him and it was the perfect song to sing in a time like that. When I heard that, I really felt touched by the significance this song could have on Tony, and later on when we sang it all together and I read the lyrics with closer scrutiny, I really cherished the power of the song even more. It is both sad and sweet, but most importantly very optimistic. Hurt sings about having a mother, father, and sister all up in Beulah Land, and to me I feel like he's saying how they are in a better place, somewhere that "outshines the sun," and soon you'll be able to see them again. It puts a softer tone to the subject of death, and it really has a healing effect on the person who is experiencing the loss to think of a loved one's passing as going somewhere better and happier. It is songs like these that remind me of how important music is to our lives, and how it brings healing and meaning that no words alone could bring to us.

Barbara Allen

For all the man ever wanted and all that he could never have was Barbara Allen herself.